There are dreams which will never come true (part II.)

When I got to Prague I was picked up on the bus station by Silvia Saint, reputedly famous porn star (I can’t vouch for that, I was told - that is not my circle of people). She had pictures in the previous issue of Playboy. When I saw her pictures and then her in person - I knew I am in trouble. Those were two totally different people.

Usually when I go shooting the make-up people don’t have to do much with me: little bit of make up, eye lashes, powder my nose and just underline my natural beauty and I am done. I like to be myself and look naturally.

Here I was ambushed by a ambitious make-up artist who started heavily working on me. After two hours I looked into a mirror and some strange girl was looking back at me who remotely reminded me of somebody I once knew. It was a small “art work” under which I was totally lost.

Impatiently I was expecting pictures, which I was promised by Milan to get. I didn’t open any e-mail before with such nervousness like this one. Usually when one is looking forward something too much he gets disappointed. No exception this time. I showed pictures to my friends and they asked ironically ”Who is it? Why did you travel to Prague when they shut somebody else?”

I thru away my chance to be featured in Playbpoy. The photographer asked me how I like his pictures. Major mistake. I answered that the pictures are nice, but I don’t like them. Where am I? I wrote my personal opinion and that was no-no. I shouldn’t have done it. I totally forgot about his mucho vanity and his inflated ego was hit hard. From this moment on was obvious that I will not be in July’s issue – as matter of fact, that I will be in NO issue what so ever. Some unknown model – not even from the capital city – had the guts to criticize an famous photographer.

He shouldn’t ask my opinion if he cannot handle it, right? Then suddenly I was not the great model everybody was so pleased with, couple days ago – everything was bad. I was bad, the outfit was bad, my hairdo was bad, my nails … everything was bad and pictures must be shut over again. If I would be willing to come to Prague for couple days and sleep over in his place maybe everything can be fixed. , If I would sleep over in every photographer’s place I was offered to – I could be today more famous then Cindy Crawford. But I rather prefer to stay an unknown Brenda from Brno.

In the mail he responded to my opinion he offended every photographer I was shooting with and insulted all of my pictures. They all are pathetically pitiful, their pictures unbelievable bad and I am ugly and non-photogenic and all of his friends shake their wise heads over my pictures. Not over his pictures, nevertheless. He totally forgot about famous Seneca quotation "by preaching down photographs of your predecessors you will not make your pictures look better". It is a remarkable wisdom of Seneca if you take into account that he said it 2.000 years before the invention of photography. The unbelievable amateurism of my photographers can be see in the section of Modeling. Modeling.

I was told I must act like an actress and be in any form or shape the photographers wants me. I was under naive impression that I was chosen for my looks, for who I am – because they liked what the saw. Why did they change me into something totally different beats me. Why do photographers hire small slender blond and try to make an big heavy brunet out of her? Wouldn’t be easier to hire the brunet in first place? Maybe that is the art I don’t see.

To take picture of a person and capture who she really is - is very difficult and not everybody knows how to do it. I understand that Playboy doesn’t care about a girl, they just want one another naked young chick, empty face, all of them looking alike, and nice body. It is easier to shot girls over a carbon paper, all of them same then trying to capture their differences and show what is special about them. If we were talking about images for some ad, I couldn’t care less. But this supposed to by my profile with some article about me, not me playing somebody else.

I was very disappointed. Not by fact that I will not be featured in Playboy (it is better not to be there then be there with wrong pictures) but I wanted to be a final dot of my modeling career. I am not suited for this business. I don’t want to be a exanimate marionette in the hands of vain and stupid photographers. I want to have my opinion and defend it even I always pay dearly for it. I am a photographer’s partner, not a toy.

I will rather work with those “pitiful photographers” who want to photograph me then to pretend being somebody I am not. I am not a professional model, I am just a nice looking girl loved by photographers because we work very well together as a team. I shoot for my own pleasure and satisfaction. If somebody tries to take that away form me – then he is taking away my reason to shoot at all.

I sawed 99 crowns to those of you who wanted to buy this issue. Am I not great? I have done it actually for you so you can save your hard earned money…… J

The story however did continue - as I found out half a year later. So here comes Part III..